Something that I find quite difficult to wrap my head around is choosing what to with my life, because there really is so much choice! I could do so many different things!
It is easy to get paralysed by, there is a bit from The Bell Jar which sums it up perfectly.
“I saw my life branching out before me like the green fig tree in the story. From the tip of every branch, like a fat purple fig, a wonderful future beckoned and winked. One fig was a husband and a happy home and children, and another fig was a famous poet and another fig was a brilliant professor, and another fig was Ee Gee, the amazing editor, and another fig was Europe and Africa and South America, and another fig was Constantin and Socrates and Attila and a pack of other lovers with queer names and offbeat professions, and another fig was an Olympic lady crew champion, and beyond and above these figs were many more figs I couldn’t quite make out. I saw myself sitting in the crotch of this fig tree, starving to death, just because I couldn’t make up my mind which of the figs I would choose. I wanted each and every one of them, but choosing one meant losing all the rest, and, as I sat there, unable to decide, the figs began to wrinkle and go black, and, one by one, they plopped to the ground at my feet.”
(They reference this in Master of None when the main character is having a similar dilemma of what to do with his life. It’s such a good show, I recommend watching it!)
I mean, there’s no need to rush into things but what I don’t want is for life to just happen and choose for me. Sometimes you do just have to bite the bullet and go with it and hope it works out alright in the end. If it doesn’t then at least you gave it a go!
One thing I have been deliberating over recently is whether to go further with this whole working in a library thing. Part of me thinks that I do like my job at the moment, so it makes sense to keep going in this direction and see how it goes.
The only problem with that is that it would probably require a qualification, probably another Masters, and those things don’t come cheap! Another thing that’s holding me back is that while libraries and information science are things that are so important, they are not appreciated as much as they should be. They are often the first things to get cut, which means it could be a risky career to go into and potentially one where the choice of jobs is not that much.
So it’s tricky, spend all that money and work on a qualification for an underappreciated job which I will probably like and probably be good at, or just find another job with similar duties but more responsibility/better pay (which I could also enjoy and be good at) when the time feels right.
I don’t know, but at some point I am going to have to make a decision and go with it, which is slightly terrifying. I made myself go to the library (I’m always more productive in a library) this weekend and look at courses I might want to do and be a bit more proactive about it all. I should make a decision. Even if I decide not to, at least then I can start working towards something else.